A story about the speaker’s framework
A kid came back from school and his mother asked him what did he do. He told her that he has learned what is the half of eight. He proudly said: “It’s three.” A mother was visibly unsatisfied and she took eight Lego pieces, put them in two lines of four, and asked a son how many pieces he sees. He replied: “Eight.” Next, she asked him if he agrees, that they are split in half. And he confirmed. After confirmation, she now asked: “Do you see that the half of eight is four and not three?” He smiled, drew an eight on a piece of paper, and split it vertically in half. “The half of eight is three”, he replied. She was visibly surprised.
The reality is based on our thinking framework. There is always more than one truth.
Why don’t we listen well
We all believe that we are good listeners, but a majority of us are not. We are not equipped with the ability to listen from the speakers’ perspective and we don’t take into account that what is not said is sometimes more important than what was said.
- 125 words per minute is speaking capacity.
- 400 words per minute is listening capacity.
- 900 words per minute is thinking capacity.
If you want to be a good listener, you need to slow down your thinking and use your listening capacity to hear what is not said and how it is said.
The more knowledge and experience you have, the harder it gets to adjust your inner speed to the proper listening frequency of the other side’s speaking capacity.
In times of TikTok attention span, it is getting even harder, to tune your attention to a speaker for an extended period of time.
How can we listen better
People want to be heard, but they don’t want to listen. As Oliver Wendel Holmer Sr. wrote: “It is the province of knowledge to speak and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.”
Being a salesperson, talking and not listening is a no-go.
American business book author Keith Rosen suggests there are eight mistakes that limit our ability to listen:
- Are you thinking about something else while the client is talking? (Dreaming)
- During your conversation with a client, do you wait for a pause, so you can spit something out? (Answer-preparing)
- How difficult is it for you to stay quiet? Do you say something without thinking first? (Compulsive/impulsive)
- Are you faking your listening to the client just so you can get in your comments? (Ambushing)
- Do you practice selective listening? Do you only hear the things you want to hear based upon your own prejudices? (Judging)
- Are you unaware of the message the person is sending through body language, such as facial expressions, eye contact, and vocal intonation? (Not fully present)
- Do you allow background noise in your environment to hinder your ability to listen? (Noise-induced stress)
- Do you listen through filters, based on a past experience or a similar situation with another client? (Comparing)
Practice your listening, work on your mistakes, and fix them, if you want to succeed in sales.
